The new CLIP

Yesterday between classes I decided to head to the local barber shop and get my hair cut, for 5,000 won (about 5 bucks US).  It was long as shit so it was definitely due…I’ve got to give it time to re-cooperate prior to the upcoming beanie season.  Anyways, I walked in and my director plus head teacher, plus the afternoon students all said how good it looked/how handsome I was…I didn’t really see the big difference but apparently all the kids did.  My morning kids kept saying something like, “Zach teacher so handsome!”, “Your new haircut is very good.” or “WOW, very nice.”  Like I said, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal because I always let my hair get shaggy then chop and most of you know that’s how I roll too but whatever I’ll take the compliments.  Even the dudes at my gym were throwing them my way….whatev, it’s all good.  Basically I write that to show you what this little eight year old girl named Yena gave to me (actually flew it to me via paper plane).  This wasn’t the only lil slip of paper I got like this but it was by far the funniest.  Peep this shit, and the new dew if your curious to what all the hoopla is about.

“Zach Teacher’s Girlfriend”

“To Zach Teacher: Zach is very handsome teacher, from Yena.”

Want to learn English?

Wow, I was parousing youtube and this video popped up randomly.  I found it hilarious, A) due to the people in the car, B) because the old ass people are bumping to the song on the radio, and C) the commerical was an ad for, what else but, wanting to learn English.  Try not to laugh, I dare you.

Learn English

Hot Dog Pizza?!?!

And yes this shit is about to happen…just one more quirky thing about Korea, their crazy pizza.  Check this commercial out.

Hot Dog Pizza From Pizza Hut…yum?

or if you want to class it up a bit give the Shrimp Roll Pizza a go.

Shrip Roll Pizza

Oh you didn’t know?!?!

This is definitely a blog-worthy episode…so last Saturday the crew and I went out in Hongdae.  Hongdae, many would consider, is the club district in Seoul.  It’s situated close to two major colleges so it makes for a fun night, you know the usual drunk college kids (yes, they do it here too); lucky for me Hongdae is only one subway stop or a short five minute cab ride away.  It’s definitely a place I frequent on the weekends and I believe it’s probably my favorite spot to go if I feel like slippin’ my dancing shoes on.  Anyway, the night started off fairly mildy, we met up with one of our friends because it was her birthday; I was’t really feelin’ the first place but I was with good company so I stayed nonetheless.  The bar, whose name I can’t recall, seemed like a psuedo-hipster hangout; I’ve got no problem with that scene but what I do have problem with is waiting 10 minutes for a Long Island each time I placed an order.  The bartenders were terrible, there were about 4 or 5 of them frantically spinning behind the bar; each mixed drink they made they measured out one exact shot (very time consuming).  The night started getting better as soon as the influx of Long Islands started to kick in and as soon as it was time to pussh off to the next spot.  The next place we went was this small, but cool, club called Mint.  It turned out to be pretty rad, they were hosting a Mixtape party; the hottest electronic tracks were spinning AND the Long Islands were nothing to fuck around with.  Each time I ordered another I kept telling the sexy ass bartender to make them stronger; and by told her to make the stronger I mean pointed to my biceps and repeated “STONGER BABY, STRONGER!” Each time she would smile, make my drink, hand me my drink, take my money which was then followed each time by me yelling, “OUHHHHHHHWEE”.  The drinks were stiff to say the least so by about 2:30 I was eight sheets to the wind and definitely rockin’ to the beats.  Somewhere between the time I finished a Long Island and the eventual blackout stage I decided it would be a good idea to do some stupid shit.  You ask yourself, “HMM, what could he have done, smash 30 bottles on the bar, get into a fight, yack all over the dance floor?” No my friends, I decided I was going to introduce the hottest dance Korea has ever seen.  The dance you ask?  It’s called “The Bear Claw”, oh you don’t know?

The dance goes as follows:

step 1: make your hand into a “bear claw”

*for are all you uncool people out there, check the pic below for the typical “bear claw”

step 2: on the side which hand you’ve selected, rock your shoulder back

step 3: come forward in a swiping motion at your buddy’s face (or in my case 30 or so random Koreans)

step 4: your friend (or your local Korean) “does the matrix” to avoid the claw

step 5: after swiping, yell “RAWR!!!”

The best part about the whole dance is that it’s pretty much the gayest dance of all time, yet I had EVERY Korean within a 20 feet radius of me convinced that it’s the hottest thing back in the states, and then had everyone of them doing it for about a half an hour. Next time your at your local spot (That’s Rick’s for you Spartans) “Do the BEAR CLAW on that hoe!”

The Soju Warriors Take Mt. Tongosan over…

So it’s been awhile but here I am again. There it was, a beautiful day on September 12…the beginning of a three day weekend for the Korean version of Thanksgiving known as Chuseok. I had made plans a few days earlier to meet up with Cope down in Daegu but certainly not early enough to make pre-arranged travel arrangements. On holidays or extended weekends it’s about as easy to travel as it is to cure cancer that has spread throughout every organ in one’s body…impossible. All the Koreans go by the philosophy of booking multiple trips months in advance (fucking everyone else) and then canceling all but the one that they’ve actually decided tend to. It’s pretty ridiculous actually, I could book 20 different hotels in Busan and a day before I get to the hotel I could cancel 19 and have no penalty or I could book 20 plane tickets and cancel all but one at the last minute w/ no financial loss. Anyway, you get my point, there were no KTX (bullet train), slow train, or bus tickets out of Seoul available to Daegu; this meant I had only one option…stowaway on that mother fucker. I knew it was possible because I’ve rode the KTX numerous times around Korea and I knew that they basically don’t check your tickets and you don’t need them to go through a turnstile and whatnot; they tend to go by the honor system here in Korea, something that would be grossly taken advantage of if it were in place in the States. Once Ashley and I actually boarded the train I was fairly sure we were gold and sure enough I was right, no questions, no hassles, nothing. Since I’d taken the KTX to Daegu one time before I knew it took two hours to get there so after about two hours I started listening for our station; when I didn’t here it after 2hrs and 30mins I knew I’d fucked up somewhere. It turns our that in our sly effort to cop a free ride on the KTX we neglected to make sure it was actually the KTX, basically it was karma biting us in the ass…needless to say we hopped on the slow train which meant we had to stand for four hours (sweet). In any event, it was a free ride that saved us about 40 bones so it was actually worth it when we arrived in Daegu around midnight. As soon as we arrived the drinks began to flow and before I knew it, having ate barely anything all day, I was half in the bag. The night went as follows: drink beer, eat galbi, drink beer, drink beer, drinkkkkkkkkkkkk, go to this kick ass bar called Bus Bar that actually has a rad school bus connected which you can actually sit in. The food at Bus Bar was awesome and of course the drinks continued to flow….until 7 am to be exact; at this point we decided we may as well go home because Nate was passing out at the table (not a shocking feat for him). For some reason I didn’t want to stop partying but everyone wanted to bounce so I obliged then Nate proceeded to say to me, “I guarantee you can’t finish half that bottle of Soju before we get home.” When a friend says you can’t do something you know you want to prove them wrong so in my blacked out state, not only did I down half the bottle but I figured I’d elevate myself to rock star status by cashing the whole thing. I looked sooooo cool doing it that morning and felt soooooo drunk at 3 pm when I woke up on Saturday, needless to say DO NOT DRINK A BOTTLE SOJU at 7am and expect to wake up sober. I was pretty much worthless all day on Saturday and the day amounted to us getting food for our trip then going home and watching the new episodes of entourage…I was in bed by 9pm! It was probably a blessing in disguise because we had to be up at 7am to catch our bus from Daegu to Mt. Tongosan. On Sunday six of us hopped on the bus and rode 4 hours to the mountain…the ride there was amazing. The last half of the trip we were either on the Pacific coastline or winding through the gorgeous mountain views…I was rocking with my iPod and I must say Death Cab for Cutie and Tokyo Police Club were perfect for the occasion. We finally arrived at our destination and got our cabins…they were so dope, they had everything you need to cook, sleep, and drink. Once we got situated we decided we wanted to hike Mt. Tongosan (1,300 meters, I think). It was not a mammoth beast by any means but I was definitely struggling at some points to make it to the peak. After 2.5 hours of climbing we finally made it to the top; it was a pretty good feeling and now I’m semi-considering climbing Mt. Fuji when I head to Japan. Finally we got back to our phat crib, made a delicious feast (actually Ji did), then kicked it around a campfire for a bit. You know the usual Michigan shit…fire, Euchre, beer, food, and SOJU?!?!?! It seemed so nice to get out of the city for a weekend and see something besides cement and buildings everywhere, I also really missed drinking around a campfire. After hours and hours of boozing shit started getting a bit weird, first Nate decided to show our newly acquired east coast friends the Michigan “sport” of tree bending, then he proceeded to get half naked and try to get in the river upon which he slipped, smoked his face on a rock then decided it was such a good idea to walk on slippery rocks while being blacked out, shortly after this Tom decided he was going to run up the mountain as fast as he could for as long as he could (he was back in 2 minutes), and lastly some random ass trees got uprooted then sacrificed in the fire. The last three people up were Ashley, Nate, and I; of course all Michigan State Alumni…I guess we party harder than everyone else. I mention that so that the next fiasco holds some reasonableness (not really, but I tried); after we threw an entire pine tree in the fire it went up in ablaze then at 4 am we proceeded to sing the MSU fight song as loud as possible (apparently we thought we were tailgating on the banks of the Red Ceder). After celebrating our Alumni status at the bottom of Mt. Tongosan we decided we had better sleep. Around 11 am on Monday everyone woke up to see the destruction Hurricane Katrina, or at least it appeared, did to our campsite. When we were all packed up and ready to bounce we made the shocking discovery that during the drunken mele the previous night someone had either: a) lost the key, b)launched it in the woods, or c) burned that mother fucker. Regardless, we had no key so we gave the campground 10 bucks and everything was even steven. At this point we were waiting for the bus to come pick us up and we had been waiting an hour and a half when this dude in a minivan pulls up…then Ji asked him for a ride and he actually said yes. Basically the dude was cool as shit, he picked up 5 whities and one Korean chick and gave us a ride 40 minutes into town for free; probably first and last successful hitch-hiking experience in Korea. When we finally arrived at the bus station I was extremely wore out/hung over/pissy and just wanted to be home. The bus ride home wasn’t nearly as pleasant as the ride to Mt. Tongosan; we sat in a dam bus winding around the mountains for like 3 hours in cramped seating. I’m pretty sure we may have been on the Oregon Trail because the roads were nothing to gloat about and we must have been in a horse drawn buggy because it took from 3:30-9:30 just to arrive in Seoul. Eventually we made it back to Seoul and had to hop on the subway only to ride 40 more minutes. The final leg of the journey offered some comedic relief when a 55 year old soju warrior was so drunk that he fell out of his seat and slammed his head on the ground. I’ll be honest I didn’t know whether the dude was having a heart attack or just fell, so at first i played it cool then when I realized he was just a drunk, jackass I exploded with laughter. And that’s a mother fuckin’ Chuseok weekend baby! I’m going to try copin’ some pics so peep those if you feel inclined. Oh and here is my newest obsession, Tokyo Police Club…give it a go. Tokyo Police Club – Sixties Remake

Cass Red Huh?

Here we go again. Alright, so right after school my co-workers Mikey and Ashley were walking back to my place to kick off the night. On the way home we had to make a “beer run” so we dipped in to our local Family Mart (Korean equivalent of 7-11’s, they’re everywhere). I was gazing at the not so vast beer selection and came across a creature of another breed; I’ve seen Cass Red a few other times but I’ve never noticed the label that said it was 6.9% alcohol by volume. If you know anything about beer, believe me I don’t know shit, you know that the “Diesel” (that’s bud heavy for you lame asses) is 5.5% alcohol by volume, and that means that Cass Red shits on Bud in terms of getting you blitzed in a steadfast manner. Anyway, my homie Mikey and I are just kickin’ it in my room listening to some hip hop and I cash those 40’s of Cass Red quicker than a pond dries up in the Sahara desert. By this point we are pretty drunk and we decide we had better get some food. As we are walking to get food at the nearest fried chicken and beer joint (which Koreans do immaculately by the way) and who else do I run into but one of my students. This little boy named Arthur runs up to me and gives the biggest hug ever while yelling, “Zach Teacher, Zach Teacher, Zach Teacher.” I do my best to act sober as a duck and apparently it worked because his mom and dad came over and started talking to Mikey in Hangul (the Korean Language). They told him that Arthur talks about me like I’m a God or something and that he is always talking about Zach Teacher. I was happy to hear this and even happier when his dad sat down with us and ordered a pitcher of beer and had a few brews with us. After a half hour of bullshitting with Arthur’s pops he finally decided it was too late and that they better take the kids home and put them to bed. Before they left his wife got my phone number and said she wanted to have me over for dinner one night, of course I obliged. He told us not to worry about paying for the food or any of the beer we ordered and that he would get the whole tab…turns out he owns the place or something. It was the shit, thank you Cass Red and Arthur!

oh, and on the music tip check out Army of Pharaohs – Dump the Clip. It’s backpack rap at it’s finest produced by one of backpack raps finest Jedi Mind Tricks.

South Korea Wins Olympic Gold in Baseball

So on Saturday South Korea was in the Gold medal game for baseball in the Olympics. I know, I know it doesn’t sound like much of big deal to us spoiled Americans who seem to dominate everything athletic, except soccer or football if any of the British crew is on board, but for a country the size of Delaware to pull off such a feat is pretty impressive. I’m not really writing to brag about the fact that I’m in Korea and “oh Korea is so cool” or anything like that…I’m mostly writing about the baseball game because it was pretty much the coolest event surrounding baseball that I’ve ever witnessed (minus the Detroit Tigers run in 1997 and the Rockies eventual downfall last year). So here it was a Saturday night in Seoul and I was catching a cab for a night on the town and everywhere I walked/rode in a cab the TV was on THE GAME…outside little convenience stores old and young dudes alike were huddle around the tube. I was kicking in the cab, wind blowing through my hair…you know doing my best Mitch Jager impression when something I’ve never witnessed/ heard happened. An entire street, city, and perhaps country erupted at the exact same time, over baseball. I know many people think baseball is boring to watch but fuck off…it’s the shit, I’m just saying. Anyways…it was at that point when Korea took the lead and eventually never looked back, solidifying the Gold and definitely creating one of the most memorable moments since I’ve been in Seoul thus far. Pretty fuckin’ rad, dig it?Korea’s Got Gold!!!

By Mom’s Request…

So my mom has asked me to put some pics of the lil bro and I up….oddly enough the only ones I have of the two of us are partying. Weird I know.

Are you ready for some (college) football?

In light of the upcoming season, and because I thought this article was hilarious, I think you should check the site. It’s basically the Top 25 teams by pre-season rankings followed by the dude sending mad hate towards each school, it’s funny shit. Peep it…thanks to Beckwith. The Hater’s Guide to the Top 25

No Power Game??? Get Pumps!!!

So I was parousing the net looking for some new kicks, you know some new SB’s, J’s, somethin’ fresh. I happened to google Reebok Pumps and this video came up…it’s so 90’s and will rock your fuckin’ socks off. Check it! THE PUMP